So many of us look back at the past taunted by all the mistakes that we have made and haunted by images of a better future that we could have created for ourselves. Yet it is very important to remember that one of the most prized commodities when it comes to living life to the fullest, and staying true to yourself is-clarity. And sometimes clarity cannot be gained unless you go amiss, betray yourself in small ways and make mistakes in the first place.
Since a rather young age, I’ve been wanting to have a tightly-knit family. To raise my own children and watch them grow strong and happy. Yet in the last year I have become very weary of the isolation that so often accompanies mothers that stay at home. I was dreaming of a career, of a business, of furthering my education. Unlike many lucky families, mine does not have the luxury of support from grandparent or aunts and uncles. Work and children need to be juggled just between me and my husband.
So I made the leap, I set up some job interviews. I signed up my one year old to attend a local child care center. Finding out that she will be the only one there every day full time did not stop me, not having childcare arranged for my eldest daughter did not stop me. It was only when I went to drop off my toddler and witness her weeping and yelling and trying to run after me, that I realised that the most precious thing in the world to me was my children and that what I want out of life most is for them to be happy.
The kids will grow up and there will be opportunity for me to work full time. But for now, part time will just have to do.
So did I waste the time of the people who were going to interview me? Yes. And I am very sorry about this. But the whole experience was something I needed to go through to remind myself of my priorities and to not give into the perception that because I am not building a career right now, I am a burden to society and less than someone who is. In this case, no comparison, would have meant no learning for me. I would have continued loosing the most precious ingredient in my peace of mind and happiness- clarity.