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Overcoming Grief

In the recent weeks I have posted articles about overcoming toxic shame, guilt, and apathy. Going further up the emotional pyramid, we find ourselves at grief.

Unfortunately grief is an emotion I have been well acquainted with at a young age. It never shows up alone. It always shows up holding hands with shame, and guilt and anger. It shows up with questions like; “Why me?” and “Why them?”, and “Where was God?”.

Before anything else, grief needs to be expressed. Unless some of it is expressed, it can consume a person completely and take away their will to live. It needs to be felt, to be released. Only after some time can the healing process begin to take place.

I really like the quote that comes from The Course in Miracles, that says : “Nothing real can be changed. Nothing unreal exists.” What once was, if it was real, then it always will be and always has been. It can shape shift, but never disappear.

I believe that when it comes to grief related to death, the moment and manner in which we or a loved one leaves their incarnation is decided at the level of spirit. It is usually done at a time where staying incarnated would be detrimental to the evolution of this spirit or to the evolution of somebody that they love, whom they are guiding on their journey. Alternatively it can happen at a time where this soul has already learned and taught the lessons that they came to learn and teach. Mission accomplished. No need to stay any further when your real home is ready for you.

The pain for those left behind is tremendous, yes. The fear is tremendous, yes. But so is the learning. Without the pain and the fear this simply would not be possible. It is these negative emotions that ultimately make us expand our capacity to love one another and to value one another. It is they, that make us become more generous and tolerant towards other human beings.

If the pain gets too intense, the only way to deal with it is by lifting, ever so slightly, the veil of our ignorance. By understanding, at the most profound level, that we are not a body. And since we are not a body, then there is no death and we are free. Every limitation is an illusion that seems real for no other reason than “the masses” having accepted it, at some point, as a truth, and densified it into the third dimensional existence through that acceptance/judgement/ignorance. If, at your very core, you change your beliefs, you will see a world that reflects YOUR truth. You will see a world of your facts. You will SEE what nobody else sees. And if you do, keep it to yourself, like the treasure that it is. Always allow your intuition to guide you. The more you listen and follow, the more it will speak to you and show you that which is occluded. The more you prioritise it over the mainstream voices even when it is not convenient for you, the truer it will become.

Many people believe that angels are better (more pious and pure) than ordinary humans. But I like the explanation of Emilio Carillo best. Angels are less ignorant, not more pious (and thereby judgemental, and thereby incapable of embracing their darkness as most pious people are).

Imagine an ordinary human and their range of emotions. They swing from intense pain to intense happiness, and cover everything in between. There is less range in the emotions of an angel. An angel sees past the illusion of death, and so the pain of loss is not quite as intense. Neither is the pleasure of a victory, for an angel knows that they can create endless victories. All they need to do is connect to source, ask in full faith and see their wish fulfilled. Angels know that miracles are the norm, not the exception.

As you begin to read literature and expose yourself to concepts that lift your veil of ignorance, you will come to a point where you cannot help but see yourself as an extension of the Creator. You will understand that your emotions and beliefs literally create reality. You will see how urgent your need to let go of any negative judgements of your past becomes.

You will have to let go of your grief in order to not recreate situations in which you are exposed to it again. You will have to let go of your fear of powerlessness, unless you want to once again see yourself as powerless.

No, what happened / is happening is not proof of how evil the world is. No, you are not to blame. No, You didn’t do anything wrong. Yes, you can change the situation at any point if your true intention is to bring more love into the moment. Doors will open that you never knew existed.

Understand that if you are unable to let go of your negative judgement of the situation and unwilling to entertain the possibility that there is more to life than the eye can see, you will consciously choose to victimise yourself. You will then proceed to draw into your life endless events that will confirm to you what a victim you are. Worse, you will draw into the lives of those around you, of the people who still care for you, endless situations that victimise and disempower them. It is a vicious circle, and you might not end up being the one who gets the most hurt.

It’s hard, it’s scary, it hurts like hell, and you’ll need time to heal. But ultimately you have to remain grateful for the love that you experienced in the world, before the grief reared its ugly head. Ultimately, you must stand in your own strength to such an extent, that instead of asking questions such as “Why me/ my loved ones?”, you ask instead “What for did this happen to me/ my loved ones?” knowing full well that in order to receive an answer to a seemingly unresolvable question, you must rise above the level at which you are currently looking at it. The solution is never found on the same level on which the problem emerged. Are you willing to take a bird’s eye view? Do you have it in you to rise above the pain just ever so slightly? Do you have it in you to stand in your power, and to allow your wounds to become the places where the light enters your soul and reconnects you to your true essence? The choice is entirely yours.

The Vitalitist

I refuse to succumb to the mundane, always aware of who I am. For it is compromising ourselves that robs us of our vitality, and it is by guarding our vitality and zest for life, knowledge and unity that we flourish. Let longevity and all other good things follow, until it is time to write a new story.

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